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i seem to have lost the ability to write like i used to. i have to force myself to write now. it just doesn't come out anymore. maybe it's because my daydreams and thoughts are always interrupted by real life, and i can't ever complete them fully to be able to go back later and write it all down. tonight, as i saw a band perform at a bar, there was this guy who was trashed out of his mind. he started break dancing, he started doing crazy dances, he kept dragging women to dance with him. he was "THAT GUY" for the night. i stood there, judging him, but at the same time loving him. i'm a misanthrope, but my problem is i love people too much. i don't know what to do with that love, so i turn it into mistrust. i think people want something if they're nice to me. i get offended if they don't remember me. i'm slowly letting it all go, i'm just worried that i'm letting things go that actually serve me as a positive. when i'm more accepting, when i'm more social, when i think less, what will i become? and will i be content with that? i'm just a point and click away from reinventing myself again.
i met a soon to be film maker tonight. he said, "next time i see you, your name will be in lights!" that's the coolest thing anyone has said to me in awhile. |
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