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thank you blur. i went to tower, trying to find a birthday present. but i see "THE NEW BLUR plus a free robbie williams dvd thing." i already spent crazy money, that i don't have, this weekend, on alcohol. all to try to cheer myself up about being broke. but i don't regret the blur purchase. last night was fun, but i'm not sure if i'm content with this change in me. tonight i painted, and i wondered if people study paintings and wonder what the painter thought of during a specific stroke. i need to go to england. and i will. and i want to. but i don't want to. it's complicated. i wish i could explain. but i don't think i can really explain it outside of my own head. i think i might try sleeping in the complete dark tonight. two of my friends have emailed me recently about serious medical problems. if these things happen in threes, am i next? someone remembers me, and it's fucked me up instead of making me feel memorable. i guess that's not what i really want. it's not about making a mark. i just don't know what it's about and that's what confuses me. sometimes i wonder what i would have become, where i would have been, had i not moved. |
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