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for the past two days i've been sort of depressed. i got financial aid from american u. but i've been leaning towards emerson. and i found out that rent in boston is crazy. i need to call financial aid at emerson and find out why they haven't sent me shit, and if they ever will. sarah suggested that i ask family and relatives for help, but i've decided that i'm not sure about this all. about grad school, about film school, about moving. it all could be a huge mistake, and i could live with that mistake. but i don't think i could live with it being a mistake that cost other people. so, i think i know what i want. but it might mean, that i wait another year before it happens. i might have to just save up for another year, before i can make it happen. i remember when i was applying to colleges from high school, i got accepted to this school in richmond, that i really wanted to go to, and to the school i ended up going to. the reason i went to the college i picked was because they gave me more financial aid. i really wanted to move away. but it turned out working for the best, because i ended up loving my school, and all my friends that went to the richmond school ended up hating it. i feel like i'm in the same situation again. i should make the practical decision, but haven't i done that before? another thing that has been bugging me lately, is how superficial everything is around me. i'm suddenly hot shit, because i've lost weight, because i dress up, because i'm one dimensional. i could be the smartest girl in the entire world and i feel like no one would care. i'm tempted to call on the aliens to visit. |
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