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've lived a limited life. it's taken a lot to get me out there. mostly it's been forced upon me. i've worked really hard to get over fears and to just do whatever felt natural to me. the youngest child = revolutionary thinker. sometimes i don't feel so revolutionary. i feel very unbalanced lately. one side taking it all in - the other worried, concerned and examining. i need more canvas, so i can paint. i've started clenching my teeth again. but i feel certain and i made a decision. i don't understand why it's back again. my jaw and teeth are starting to hurt. i don't know why i punish myself physically so much. after 2 years, i see a girl he hooked up with. she's smiling and i just want to rip her face off. i don't know why i'm left with these reminders of him, while he's content a million miles away. i don't know what's wrong with me, that i just keep going back to this feeling. it's horrible when you meet the type of guy you really want, because nothing else measures up. so you do your best to erase their existence so you can start with a clean slate. but it all comes back, because when something is etched in your long term memory, even if you can't vocalize it, it never goes away.
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